Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
