No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
