I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
