Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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