Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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