just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
