you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
