You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
