somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
