I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
