i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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