She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
It's shark week go big or go home
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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