Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
