I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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