I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
