your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
