At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
