Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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