last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
