I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Randomize
