I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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