I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
