There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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