hotel room ftw
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize