I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
