Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
