Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Randomize
