ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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