My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
thus making me awesome and them whores
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
