Joe is yelling at the trees again.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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