I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
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Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
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She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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