I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
