Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize