well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
