It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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