like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize