I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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