ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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