We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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