you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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