Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
