I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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