it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
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I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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