The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
