no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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