the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
