You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
