margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
