I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
