Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I just forgot I was standing up.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
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