first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
