the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
