I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
