eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
