Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
