dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
When are your genitals available?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
