The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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