Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
