Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize