then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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