I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
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So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
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Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Randomize