How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
