Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
