Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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